You Know You're Getting Old, When...

You start humming and hawing about your age. When I was 20, I was like:

'How old are you?'

(chipper) 'I'm 20!!!' =D!

Each subsequent year from then, it's more like; "I'm.... 22!"

"Er.... I'm...*cough* 24... >_>"

You will find that the incidence of exclamations decreases, and the length of hesitation increases. You have moments where you're young and you just join the workforce and you're probably the youngest person there. Everyone is older than you. Everyone is an adult, but you. And at least when I joined, the adults pander to you a little....it's the maternal/paternal instinct in them I suppose. And then a few years pass... and a new batch of recruits come up out of nowhere.

And suddenly, it's like: "Holy Shiznit! I'm not the youngest person here anymore. That thing about me being the center of the universe? It's not true!" ....and then they breeze in, bouncing through life going: 'Tee hee, I'm 18!" And you're like, 'Gawd, was I ever like that?'-- and the answer is you were probably more annoying than that.

And suddenly you realize that the first Die Hard movie they've ever seen had Justin Long in it, (which is just wrong, seriously. Original all the way), and they have no conceivable idea who Jem is.

And you're suddenly aware: Time's passing. It's taking me with it, dammit.

My problem is that I still look 20. Well, to be honest, that's not a big problem. But I'm not 20, and a lot of people think I am that age.  Both older people and younger people assume I'm the age I look-- and that's fine by me, except that in dealing with people who think they're older than me-- even if they aren't-- there's always the implied notion that you're too young to know what you're talking about, or that you're an idiot. Even now, I don't get a lot of respect because people think I'm younger than I am.


I have little opportunity to tell them my true age at work, so I can't really remedy their thoughts about me, except to act as professional as possible and show no hesitation at all in what I'm saying. Even if I am talking out of my ass.

I have worse things to complain about, honestly. I like looking young. I might sound ungrateful to bitch about it. Sorry.


Thing is, in looking young I get included all the time by younger people. They'll invite me and befriend me and stuff and assume I'm their age. So inevitably, when I tell people my actual age, they are extremely surprised to say the least.

Depending on their age, they might blanch and look like they're about to throw up. Anything over 25-- to a 18 year old-- is old. Especially the girls. Boys don't seem to care as much about my age for some reason. But a lot of teenagers act like they're going to get old person germs just for talking to me. To be fair, not all of them are like this, but enough are make you feel like: 'What are you talking to us for? You're....old'. Even if they made friends with you first-- which just makes the hesitation stronger when I do tell them my true age; especially since, if I hadn't, their attitude wouldn't have changed.

People are ageist, this is fact.

This hit one one day for me was when I was talking to one of the new teeny boppers at work one day-- she was remarking how she liked a certain new guy at work, who was around 20, (she was 18) and that she had a slight crush on him. I said, she was right, he was pretty cute; she said: "EW, you can't say that, you could be his mom!"

...

I told her, she must have been sick the day in Heath Class, when they explained that women can't have children before puberty, and although women are going through puberty younger and younger, I was definitely unable to have a child at age 6.

That brings me to another point. Had I been a guy, it probably wouldn't have mattered-- but as a woman, it's somehow gross and creepy. I have dated a guy eleven years older than me before. I've also dated someone four years younger than me, and guess what? I got more shit for dating the younger guy, than I did for dating the guy 11 years my senior.

Madness, I tell you. It does bother me a lot. It's like, once you're older than a guy, you're suddenly in mom territory, so don't look or even be attracted to them! You're not allowed! You need to nurture them and press them up to your bosom in a non sexual way! How dare you have impure thoughts! You're an old woman, and you are expired goods. That's bullshit to me.

I hate to tell you younguns out there, but just because you get older physically, doesn't mean you get older mentally (well, except in that you forget things and stuff, and you mature. A little. Some people don't mature at all). But the same kind of guys you were attracted to when you're 18, you still like when you're 25-- I mean, I noticed Zac Efron is cute. He doesn't cease to be cute just because he's younger than me. My brain doesn't work like that. Does anyones? If it does, you're kidding yourself. The primal 'must have babies' cortex in your brain (I think that's the technical name for it), doesn't care how old someone is when you're looking at them.

It's just thinking in terms of 'well, our babies would be fit, and tough. They would survive the hell out of all the other babies!'

It's only when you stop and think (and when others make you feel bad about it), that you rationalize and make yourself feel guilty for something I think you personally shouldn't. As long as they're legal and into you, age shouldn't matter so much. Especially since it doesn't matter as much to men who date younger women.

Even my best friend thought, and continues to think that a younger guy with an older girl was strange/weird/insane/omgwhatafreak. She thought this while I was dating my boyfriend, (who was younger than me) and her biggest complaint regarding her cousin's new girlfriend was 'but-- she's older than him!' Egads. Some people are genuinely in love. I hate how suddenly an entire age group of potential suitors is off limits to you simply because you're older than them. And I'm not talking 15 year differences, I'm talking something as small as a four year difference.

Yes, I know, I'm very bitter. It's just something that's been bothering me lately.

Now if someone asks me my age, I'm just going to reply; 'well how old do you think I am?' and provided they don't say '57,' I'll say 'well, that's my age then.'

And until then, I'm going to ride the cougar train for as long as I conceivably can. Oh yeah.

To Twit, To T'who.

Twitter.

I started using twitter, which I kind of like. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but that's probably because I'm a little bit simple.

However, it's interesting to follow celebrities, well-- most of the people on twitter are quasi celebrities. Real celebrities haven't got time to tweet. Real celebrities get their personal assistants to tweet for them.

There is one part I completely do not understand, however, and that is: Followers. On my first tweet, I had two. Literally within seconds. Then, I tweeted the next day, and one decided to fuck off.

Okay. So I tweet here and there, and on this particular tweet I get four followers, I guess it must have been comedy gold-- and once I tweet a picture, I get 20 views and two more followers.

Now, I have six. I don't know how these people are finding my tweets or my pics. I don't know what they're searching for to find these things... I don't know what is their motivation, and what's keeping them there. Not much, obviously... as yesterday's tweet killed my follow list to half: 'The nerdette in me wants a Google Wave Invite. However, the normal person in me wants to give myself a wedgie and steal my lunch money.'

I thought it was funny, but I guess three others didn't-- as they stopped following me. I don't get this. I mean, I wasn't even trying to alienate my follow list... yet. So, why follow me in the first place if you have no intention of... well, following what I say? I don't really care either way, but I do find it perplexing as to why people are so trigger happy on the follow button if they're going to suffer from follower's remorse two tweets later.

I think, partly, it's because they follow you hoping you'll follow them back, or to promote some lame scheme they have going on. But I haven't got an itchy trigger finger, so I don't really follow people I don't want to hear from.

Funny concept that, and yet... it works.

So please for the love of god, if you find me on twitter... and think I'm mildly amusing, only follow me if you... well, want to listen to my lame tweets. If you're going to remove me two days later, save yourself a couple of clicks and stop getting my damn hopes up, (fragile ego, me) and go browse someone else. :P

And as for the kind of people I follow, well I like funny interesting people. I know, it's a double standard, but that's the way this cookie crumbles.

Why Yes, My Name Does Mean 'Toilet'.

I meant to write last night, not write in here, but write in general-- but the heat is kind of sucking the energy out of me. Furthermore, lately, all my writing is crap. This is partly because all I feel like writing are love scenes. Seriously, that's all I've felt like doing the entire month. I got my period on Wednesday, so I think we all know why this trend has been occuring. Oh yeah, sexy times.

I'm hoping with some normal hormonal balance I can write something other than love scenes... aaaand subsequently stop looking at every guy in terms of babymaking abilities. And to think, how guys feel ALL the time. Don't know how they go through the day without rubbing up against things. Well most of them do anyway. Props to them.

Speaking of love scenes, (well not really,) that Claudia Gray book; Evernight, that I mentioned in my last post... is killing me. It's going from okay to bad, to worse. It's a little too... girly and chiche'd, even for me. Partly it's because the protagonist isn't easy to identify with.... unless you're a 17 year old girl. But, you know even when I was ... well I hope I wasn't like that. The protagonist meets the love interest once, and already wants to have his babies. Is this how Twilight is? Because it sucks. She only likes him because he was nice to her. Once. When they were alone... but when he sees her in a crowd, he's cold and distant. Which she agonizes over. For an entire chapter. Which of course means instant love! When a guy is cute and nice to you-- once-- all bets are off. I mean, he's the one, obviously. So that's what I've been doing wrong. Must wait for the cute (relatively) nice guys and stop dating the ugly mean ones like I've been doing all this time. Chuh! But not too nice. You need a bit of aloofness in there to put you back in your place. You know, in case you like each other too much.

However, must get on this vampire bandwagon. Must use my overcharged hormones to write some female-delusion fiction about beautiful guys unable to tan. The recent vampire trend has got me thinking. Why are all vampires hot? Beautiful, graceful, elegant.... this goes for males and females. I know it's fiction, but still. I mean, no vampire has gotten drunk and bitten that one guy? You know that guy. The ordinary guy. The guy who works at the DMV. The leery one who picks at his wedgie when he thinks no one is looking. Bad combover guy. He's the kind of guy looks almost decent when you have three bacardi breezers in you, and even better if you add two midoris and lemonade. Wouldn't an 'ugly vampire' story be awesome?

Your face says no but your heart is saying yes.

There is some person screaming 'WOO!' outside for absolutely no reason. Oh wait, there is a reason apparently: They're a moron.

Isn't it funny how co-incidences... err... co-incide? I think they call it synchronicity. Last month we finished watching Flight of the Conchords season 2-- which is brilliant by the way and I recommend to all three of you reading. You might know it from their oft-forwarded video, 'Hurt Feelings'. I love that shit. It's such a funny show. Also, I feel kinda dirty saying this, but I think Jemaine is kinda cute. ♥ Must be the hormones talking.... and that gammy eye of mine. (Actually he really is cute, and I have no vision problems). I also think Rhys Darby is such a doll. Not to worry. I'm not into Mel-like-fan territory yet. Besides, they're married and I'm Australian.

So, anyway, onto co-incidences. Last week, I kept seeing all the cast of Conchords everywhere on TV and the internet, especially Arj Barker. We turned off FOTC one night with an episode that featured him, and suddenly he was on The 7pm Project on the other channel. I go online, and one of the people I follow retweet him. It's weird how you start noticing someone and then start seeing them everywhere suddenly. This may have something to do with the fact I didn't recognize him prior to watching FOTC, though, but still. It was the same way with Russel Brand; watched St. Trinians and then noticed him everywhere suddenly.

Oh yeah, my subject.... my username. I love this username. Yes, it's pronounced Dunny. Yes, in Australian slang, Dunny means toilet. But, that's not why I chose it. It's a cutified version of my real name that my brother used to call me. It's just a bonus it also means toilet. However, I don't get called that anymore. Jay calls me 'Dimes' now-- which I think gives me mad street cred-- and if it sounds like the nickname of a girly basketball player, it's probably because it is. It was the nickname of my created player from EA's NBA 2004 on PS2. When you play that, you can set a nickname for your player that the commentator will actually say. I had two players, 'Showstopper' and 'Dimes' and 'Dimes' was an effeminate male with a pink headband meant to represent me. Jay had a guy with rainbow legwarmers called ... I forget, actually. Must ask him.

Must sleep. I have work tomorrow. Grumble grumble, etc.

My Entire Life Is an In-Joke

If you get me and my two brothers (let's call them Jay, and Ess) in the same room, we're the funniest people (possibly in our own minds) you'll ever talk to. We set each other off on wild tangents really well. We're like a deranged comedy troupe. Singly, we're not that funny at all; well Jay (middle child) thinks he is: "Still the funniest!" Is something we beat him daily for saying. However, I realize that the entirety of our comedic repertoire consists of in-jokes. Which is both totally awesome and... slightly sad.

DRAWINGS
So, today I found a folder of drawings I did of my brothers over the years. 'Drawings' is too flattering a word-- 'caricatures' is more accurate. Basically the ugliest things my mind could conjure, I transferred to paper. I have hundreds of these, possibly-- you have to understand I've been making fun of my brothers in art from since I could even grasp a pen-- and Jay especially suffers the most at the hands of my malevolent drawing implement. The root of the joke, basically is that Ess claims that Jay has an afro. (He doesn't really, it's just a bit curly), to which he would indignantly reply that he didn't, and me, as the kind sister I was-- I would egg Ess on by taking his side. "I'll solve this by drawing a realistic depiction of Jay' ... I said, and my answer to that being a cartoon of a deformed little guy with a Dr J afro and an arrow; '<--- Jay'  and so on and so forth-- each incarnation of Jay on paper getting uglier and uglier. The uglier the better. But the constant is always the massive afro. The afro is the in-joke; ongoing and perplexing to anyone actually viewing my drawings.

NERDS
We're also huge nerds. We have Sci-Fi nights once a week which is something that Ess started... mostly to escape married life. However, recently, Ess started giving us 'the secret handshake' when he leaves-- which he claims is awesome because it 'features the elbow move' which he demonstrated on us. Basically... well, I won't reveal too much or I'll be killed for family betrayl-- but it's basically, shake, grasp, knuckle tap, then.... elbow cross? If it sounds like the lamest thing you've ever heard, that's probably because it is. When I said this to Ess, his response was; 'But it's ours!' like that made it somehow less lame. So now, anything that's a little bit uncool or a little bit off can be justified just by saying, 'but it's ours!' and furthermore, the handhsake has an extra step at the end; a point-to-self-with-thumbs-up and a cry of 'It's ours!'

MOOGLE
Moogle is short for My Google, or possibly 'Great Googly Moogly'. Moogle is a joke I created because both my brother's have the bad habit of saying; "Oh, where's that guy from?" regarding actors, when we watch TV--- and then looking at me, because I have a good memory for that kind of thing. Not taking no for an answer, they asked me, 'you like the internet, can't you look it up?' and I pulled out a pen and pad and said 'sure, let me just consult Moogle!' which basically consisted of me drawing a fake internet search page with a fake entry usually making fun of one of them. It can't really be explained without showing you Moogle itself.

DUBBING
We used to take stupid 80s films and re-dub them with ad-libbed dialogue. This was before Who's Line made it cool, and was when I was something like fifteen, so some of my parts lack the comedic brilliance I now have today. We did the original Star Trek movies, Bloodsport, Karate Kid, some of the TOS episodes, Star Wars, Rocky, and so on and so forth. We quote these bits of ad-libbed dialogue to each other all the time. Ess had the bad habit of tuning out while dubbing; actually watching the movie and stopping in mid sentence. This caused the huge dubbing usurp of power in the family-- namely booting Ess from the dubbing team. This resulted in the part of Captain Kirk being recast. I went for it, but lost on account of my voice being too girly. Naturally, I was given the role of Spock instead. My voice being so deep and Leonard Nimoy-like. My basic angle as Spock, was to say the most absurd things with a straight face and a deeper voice.
Kirk (Jay): 'Dildo? What does he need with a dildo? Wait-- Spock-- I always get confused, is it DIL-do or DID-lo?"
Spock (Me): (Pause)' I believe it's Didlo, captain.'
I love in-jokes.

I Should Really Use This Thing More

I can't seem to merge all the facets of my personality for some reason.... I'm not sure why this is, but I can't seem to use one blog to write about all the things I like.

I have a lot of interests. Subsequently, I have a lot of blogs... if I sit and think about it...

I have a gaming commentary blog (vox), a doll blog (LJ), two second life blogs from when I used to play religiously (blogger), a deviant art I don't use for my art, and a non-online diary that I keep for my personal thoughts. Phew. I think that's it. Oh and this one, which is I suppose the closest to a 'personal' published one that I have. But I might 'specialize' in one of my interests... not too sure yet. I should really use it more, in any case.

I don't like to merge these worlds. I don't like to write about anything other than what the blog is originally intended for, really. I don't like to use filter groups to put all that on the same blog. I'm not saying I don't like to read blogs that are like that, because I do, and I think it's fine. So why am I closet schizophrenic? I have no friggin clue. It's confusing sometimes, it's like I'm trying to be all these different people at once. Maybe I kind of am. When I am active in one place, I'm inactive in another place. It's almost like I'm someone else. Maybe I'll merge these worlds together when I finally finish my site. Who knows.

So, I haven't quite decided what angle this blog is going to have; which facet of my personality. I'm thinking toned down personal life, but not sure. Given I'm an introverted extrovert, it's going to be difficult, but here goes.

Yesterday I went shopping in the city. We swung by Morning Glory, (!) (No, I don't know whether the name of that store is intentional) which thankfully is still there. Funfair and the other cute stationary shops are all gone now. So anyway, at MG I noticed they're stocking CDs now. Because they're a Korean company/chain, they had K-Pop, namely, Big Bang CDs. Gaspness. I was going to get one, but then I got swayed by the price tag of another band, DBSK, that had like 38 songs on it for the same price as the BB one. Okay, it was that and the pretty cover as well, honestly. I never really sat and looked at them, nor did I really know the members like I do with Big Bang... for a few reasons. Mainly because I'm not an obsessive fan, who sits there and memorizes Taeyang's favourite food and browses sites for interviews and youtube and such. I honestly am just into the music and don't tend to worry about the members all that much. And secondly, because I tend to find my AsiaPop by looking up a user-- usually, anyone that likes a group I like can lead me to other groups/music I haven't heard before, and through that I download anything that sounds interesting. Anything I really like I tend to look into a bit more. That's how I found Big Bang originally, and this is why even though I had a few DBSK/TVXQ (et al) songs I had never actually looked up the members. But anyway, I bought the DBSK CD, remember? And the CD has a booklet in it; with band photos... and it would be weird not to look at it, right? So, I thought 'oh, hey, they're cute,' which came out more like 'Phwoar.' Which then lead me to youtube.

Bad bad idea. One word: ...Mirotic.

Great. Now I feel like a dirty old woman after watching that. I need to go un-fluster myself. I don't think I'm a prude, and I don't get embarrassed easily but that clip + translation almost made me blush.I think I kinda know how guys feel when they watch women groups like the Pussycat Dolls use their sexuality like a weapon, and why they're so powerless against it. There was a kind of instinctual, 'I can't take my eyes off this thing' effect going on there. I wonder if that's how Peahen's feel when Peacocks court them... SIGH. Where's MY Peacock? Err... Wait. That sounds wrong, so wrong.

I also bought the Twilight ripoff inspired book, Evernight by Claudia Gray, on the recommendation of someone at work.  I haven't read Twilight, for a few reasons a) I'm sick of it, b) I don't like Stephanie Meyer c) What I have read of it, it sounded super corny. However, I, like other repressed and deluded women, can't go past a hot immortal boy story. So I decided to start with something less mainstream. I think I'm still going to watch the Twilight movies though, because I liked them okay-- even though I think the first one didn't make a lot of sense, that there was a lot I was missing... bla bla nobody cares.

Well, more nerdistic musings tomorrow, maybe. Or maybe not.